"Signs That I'm in Afghanistan"

 First off, I want to thank you all for the kind and uplifting comments to my post yesterday. I definitely will keep you all updated on it all! I am beyond excited, and so is the rest of the family. They are already planning her a shower and giving her recommendations on products, and she is already talking baby names! The next best thing to being a Mommy, would be to be an Auntie!

As you may (or may not) know, Mr. Man just got back from a few months in Afghanistan. We are Air Force, obviously. Here is an email Mr. Man sent me today. I guess it is circling around his squadron, and I know enough of what goes on when they are deployed to laugh my little heart out when I read it! I hope you enjoy it, and please take it lightly.

"Signs That I'm in Afghanistan" 

1. You run in terror from a controlled detonation your first week, then
stand in the open to watch real mortars landing, a month later.

2. The most intimate contact you've had in months is with the shower
curtain.

3. Your most successful pick-up line is "I've got a vehicle".

4. All the Air Force people look like glow-in-the-dark Power Rangers and you
can't see the Army Folks.

5. Your 6:00 am wake-up call is "BOOM" Alarm Red, Alarm Red, Alarm Red".

6. They actually give loaded weapons to Air Force personnel.

7. You give directions using T-Wall & Bunker murals.

8. You realize AAFES is their own country, and can print their own money.

9. The amount of sand in your boots is only surpassed by the amount in your
nose.

10. Something as simple as taking a shower or going to the bathroom at 2:00
in the morning requires preparation equal to the Apollo moon landing.

11. The Texas Style Brisket is not from Texas, is not brisket, and has no
style.

12. You are watching a "chick-flick" with 300 guys with machine guns.

13. Your internet connection is twice as slow as your old dial-up connection
back home, and you're paying twice as much.

14. Your lying under your bed in your IBA writing to your spouse, "No,
nothing exciting happened today" and you mean it.

15. You can buy a car or truck from the on post AAFES, but paper towels are
nowhere to be found.

16. You live in a gated community, but your home is still a trailer. (Ha!
How about a tent?)

17. You are caught way over the speed limit and you are only going 22 MPH.

18. During an attack someone jumps out of the bunker to tell you to get your
hands out of your pockets.

19. Your idea of a night on the town is going to another DFAC.

20. The grass is greener on the other side of the fence, but you still
wouldn't want to be on that side of the fence.

21. Dusting the furniture has a whole new meaning.

22. "Pimp my Ride" means putting doors on your Hummer.

23. U2 is hitting the charts again.

24. The local community holds fireworks displays every night in your honor.

25. Driving over the curb seems totally natural.

26. The outcome of the war hinges on how you wear your reflective belt.

27. You see a guy in full battle rattle driving a Humvee trying not to spill
his latte'.

28. It feels normal to dry your hands at the DFAC with toilet paper.

29. Your idea of a clear day is when you can't actually see the air your
breathing in.

30. The dust on the dashboard of your vehicle is an inch think, but you're
not even aware of it.

31. You don't notice T-walls anymore.

32. Cold water from the shower is only possible after 1 Oct.

33. Getting your laundry back is a big deal.

34. A 105-degree day in the summer actually feels cool.

35. You don't even notice an F-16 taking off anymore.

36. You don't stop what you're doing when you hear automatic gun fire coming
from the perimeter.

37. Your first couple days, you thought F-16's doing afterburner take-offs
were cool.  Now it just pisses you off.

38. Without even looking outside, you know that the weather sucks, because
you weren't woken up all night from the roar of the F-16's.

Legend:

Controlled detonation = Our guys blow up captured ammunition & explosives

AAFES = PX (store) (gives cardboard chip money, instead of coins for

change)

IBA = Individual Body Armor

T-Walls= Cement barriers around buildings

DFAC = Dining Facility (Mess Hall) (the DFAC paper towels are toilet paper

thin)

Full battle rattle= Wearing your body armor, helmet, etc.