Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Burning Bridges

Since having kids, I have noticed that I don't let people take advantage of me. By this, I mean that when I get a strange feeling about someone or something, I tuck and run. I never use to be like this, and I really am not sure if this is a good thing. 

That is why I am here. Is it a good thing? 

Before, I was that person that wanted to be friends with everyone and even if they hurt me or took advantage of me I didn't care. I still was me. 

I am still me, but I don't let people take advantage of me. I also don't want to be surrounded by people that give me a negative vibe. I especially don't want my kids around people that do things that I disapprove of in raising them. 

Is it normal for mother's to become that overprotective person that starts being more choosy and can say no more often in order to protect their family? 

I feel like that is where I am in life, and I must admit that I question whether it is a good thing or not. 

I have always had a hard time making friends, but by choice. I'm the type to sit back and observe a person before I speak out and let myself be seen. I'm viewed as being shy (especially before I get to know someone). 

This is mostly because I'm very outspoken and upfront. Not in the sense of being confrontational or someone to start debates. I actually hate conflict. 

Someone may be my friend, but it doesn't mean I love everything about them. That's normal. Every individual has their flaws and no one is perfect, and that is exactly why we should embrace one another and appreciate the differences. That is what makes us diverse and flexible in life and our experiences.

But there are some things that I really don't want to be apart of. Things like lying, cheating, stealing, gossiping, etc. Some things rub me the wrong way and makes me wonder what these types of people do to me behind my back. Therefore, I "burn bridges" as Mr. Man calls it.

Of course this weekend, I came across someone I hadn't seen in months. I was super busy with both kids by myself. I wasn't trying to be rude or not acknowledge the person. I did what I could. I chatted with them; I definitely did not bypass them. But when I got home, I explained to my husband about what happened. I told him I felt bad about not being able to chat longer and be more personable with them, but the kids were going crazy and I needed to get out of there and get home. He understood. 

But he brought something to my attention that I definitely had never took into consideration... burning bridges and how it could affect us later. 

I never really thought about it like that. I don't have enemies, and i don't feel that I make enemies. If I do, then I don't know that they have such strong opinions about me. I always tell someone what I think about them if it ever comes up. Again, I avoid conflict unless it is presented to me. 

Here is the joy of the military world. 

I think that those of us involved in it can agree that it is a small world. We run into each other quiet frequently. Burning bridges can make bad futures. And that is what I am learning now in this stage of our military life. This is where the politics of the military comes into play. As my husband makes rank, I see how he is portrayed in many lights. How people know him and come to know him. How people view him. How people talk to him. A lot of it. As his wife, as a military spouse, I have to also uphold a standard. I can affect the way others view him. 

This is where.... I realize that I should not burn bridges. 

What does this tell me? I need to be fake. I should be fake in consideration of how my personality can reflect on my husband. 

Like I said, I don't make enemies. I don't have enemies. I forgive and forget. 

But I would be lying if I said that when people betray me, I don't walk away and never return. 


  1. To be protected to our kids is very normal as parent. However, when our kids are growing and learning new things on their own we should let them to discover what they should know for them to know it by themselves on the right time. I know you're a great mom in keeping your kids safe and that is very normal.

    Military spouse grants

    1. Thanks for your comment. You are right. That is one thing I need to work on: letting my children discover others and their ways to help teach them right from wrong and differences among everyone. :)

  2. Sorry this is long. Please bare with my slightly scattered thoughts as it has been a long day. Again sorry this is so long.

    I think protecting your children is not the same as burning bridges. If my child or I feel uncomfortable about some situation or individual I do what I need to fix that. I believe in trusting your instincts.

    As we grow in life we weave in and out of friendships. Some last the test of time while other fade away for whatever reason. We tend to gravitate towards people in similar situations to us. I have very few single friends as a married woman with a child. They want to go out to bars and party and I am no longer in that phase of life. Doesn't mean I don't want to be that persons friend, rather my priorities have changed. I think those that remain, close friends, are those that understand and accept that about you. Those that can't well, I'm sorry that's their problem. Not really burning a bridge per say but feelings can and sometimes do get hurt.

    I do very much choose to hang out with those that have similar values as us. I don't want my kids exposed to certain things then I won't bring them around it if I can help it. Typically I will remove myself from the situation if possible. However if you are at my house then I would expect my rules to be followed. For example we do not want arguing in front of our child. I have several people in my life that have nothing better to but fight and cause drama. We avoid them and some have cut out completely because they can't respect our choices. Completely cutting them out is setting the match.

    The small group of friends I have are ones that we can hang out with both as a couple and individually. Where both my husband and I get alone with the other couple. I don't expect my husband to be best friends with their husband but they should be ok with spending time with them. Likewise if the shoe is on the other foot. If my husband can't stand to be in the room with my friends' husband but I like hanging out with the wife then it's done on our own time. Grabbing coffee during the day verse having them over for dinner. In the end some of those type of friendships can fade away because of that. You drift apart because of it.

    You mentioned the military. This is a whole new ball game when it comes to bridge burning. Learning to be cordial with everyone is something to be said. I might not like everyone but I need to be able to be in a room with them even if that means faking it. Let them act a fool. I hate faking my emotions but if I can't avoid a situation I will fake what I have to. Not everyone is going to get along and this is where being the bigger person is beneficial.


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