Someone Please Tell Me This Is A Dream

How could this happen?

As me and my husband prepare for a growing family, I wonder when will be the right time. No time is perfect to begin having a family, but planning and preparing should be involved. The soon to be parents should feel that their finances are set, their goals are reachable, they have the relationship needed, they have their priorities in order, etc.

For someone that finds themself at such a young age, how can becoming pregnant possibly take so long and feel so far away from her? Why does it not just happen like it does for others? Why are people that are so unprepared for children in every aspect get pregnant? Why, why, why? I know it is not my place to judge who and when people have children, but sometimes I feel it is just not fair. It's like I feel so close to my dream, my future, but one month slips away, and I feel hopeless all over again.

It's hard to sit back and watch and hear about everyone else having babies and getting pregnant because I long to feel that joy. I just want that love, that connection to be a part of my life. Is that too much to ask for?

So tomorrow, I will probably look back and wonder how I was crazy for typing all this up because deep down, I do want our pregnancies (all of them) to be a surprise. I want it the way God has intended it for us, and not because we were reckless, immature, or (insert whatever you would like) about it. I do want what God wants, and I do want it to be at the right time, on his time. Sometimes my emotions get the best of me, and I can't resist longing for that craving, the craving of my child, my miracle, my everlasting love!